Birth Day (Warning: This One is Long)

Emily was born on Friday, May 23, 2010 at 11:25 pm. I went into what I consider the start of my labor at 2:30 am. Needless to say it was a long day, but for the longest time I was in denial about the fact that I really was in labor. 21 hours of labor sounds long, but in the reality of that day it didn't seem like 21 hours. It seemed much shorter. In any case, here is our story...


I had gone to bed on Thursday night around midnight. I had been having trouble sleeping for the past month or so and didn't really enjoy the thought of going to bed because it had become such an uncomfortable ordeal. Nate had gone to bed before me which in hindsight was a really good thing as it was a long time before he got to go to bed again.

Early Friday morning around 2:30 am I woke up to an uncomfortable pain. I remember thinking, "Well that was different." I just thought my braxton hicks contractions were getting a little worse. (They had been getting slightly more intense for the past few weeks.) Plus I had just had a pre-natal appointment Thursday where they checked me out. My contractions always became a little more intense after one of these.

(On a side note, at that appointment I was 2 plus centimeters dilated, 50-60% effaced, and at -3 stations. But my body had been slowly changing over the past two weeks. At each appointment from 37 weeks on I was just a little bit farther along.)

Around 3 am Nate woke up, probably because he felt me moving around, and I decided to let him know that I was having some contractions that had some pain involved in them. He asked me if I was in labor and I told him that I didn't know, but I didn't think so. I was trying to sleep in between, which I was doing, but I was getting annoyed that the contractions kept waking me up so I finally just got up and went into our loft to watch some television. I though that Nate would go back to sleep, but I guess he was too anxious and he got up too.

Around 4 I decided the watching t.v. was annoying me so Nate suggested that I get into the shower which I did. It felt great and I stayed in there for a while.

Around 5 am Nate wanted me to contact Candace (our doula or labor assistant) and let her know that I could be in labor. I felt bad because I didn't really believe that Emily was coming on this day and it was so early in the morning that I knew she would still be in bed. But I called anyway. She told me to try and sleep as much as I could and to put some food in my stomach. She was going to call me later in the morning to check on me.

I ate some toast with jelly and laid down about 6 to try and get some more sleep. I was actually able to get back to sleep and for the next two hours or so I dozed in between the contractions I was having. Luckily, my contractions were very irregular so sometimes I got close to 30 minutes of sleep before one would wake me up. On the flip side though, sometimes there was only a few minutes between them.

When I finally got up I realized that Nate had fallen back asleep too, but he was sleeping on the couch. I guess I was tossing and turning too much for him. I put a little more food in my stomach and got on the computer for a while. My brother, Matt, called during this time and asked if he could come by the house as he had come to Richmond for work.

While waiting for my brother to get to the house Nate had decided to cut the grass and I decided I wanted to be outside too. So, I took Bailey, our dog, outside and played fetch with her and paced around the back yard. The weather was so nice that day that it felt just wonderful being out there. Contractions still had not subsided, and I was still in denial.

Around 10:30 my brother got to the house and started asking all sorts of questions about the contractions I was having. He was a wonderful distraction for a little while.

Candace called me about 11 to check on me. She asked what I had been doing, about my contractions, and about what I had been eating so far. She also asked what we were planning on doing the rest of the day. She wanted to make sure that we were staying busy, which we were.

Matt left a sometime between 12 and 1 and we decided that we were going to run to Lowe's and Best Buy. While on our way to Lowe's the intensity of my contractions picked up some. At one point I remember Nate started rubbing my leg to help me through a one and I pushed his hand off. Before that he had been patting which was fine and didn't annoy me, but rubbing annoyed me and I just couldn't stand it.

While in Lowe's I kept ducking down the aisles when I would have a contraction, because I didn't want people to ask me if I was ok. I didn't want anyone to even realize I was in labor, and I think I was successful. At least no one asked me if I was ok. On the way out someone asked me when I was due, and I said, "Like, now. When we got to Best Buy I just stayed in the car and timed my contractions. They were anywhere from 3 minutes to 10 minutes now.

I tried laying down to take a nap when we got home, but laying down made my pain level worse and the contractions come quicker so after about 15 minutes I got back up and got back on the computer.

Around 3:30 or so Nate noticed that my contractions seemed to be getting worse and suggested that I call Candace again. I did and we decided that she would leave work about 4:30 to come and check on me before going home. (I kept down playing all of my symptoms because I still hadn't admitted to myself that I was in labor so she didn't realize how far along I was.) While on the phone with her I had 3 contractions and from the first to the third the got progressively worse, which she could hear for herself. She changed her mind and said she was leaving work right then and would be at my house shortly.

She got to the house a little after 4 and found me sitting on the birthing ball dealing with my contractions. I had realized I was in labor by now and was just trying to deal with one contraction at a time. She got me up and moving and we went outside again to pace through the back yard. There was a breeze blowing that felt absolutely wonderful and helped me stay calm when contracting. Nate was great and let me hang onto him each time one hit me. After a while we went back inside and I got back on the birthing ball. I felt very hungry but had not appetite for food so juice was suggested. I agreed and had just a little bit of orange juice. Unfortunately, oj did not sit well with my body and during the next contraction it came right back up. At this point I also felt some pressure with the contractions and I was afraid that the baby was coming very soon so I said that I thought that we needed to leave for the hospital. Nate got the car packed up and around 5:15 we finally left.

On the way to the hospital my contractions picked up again and became VERY intense. I was moaning and had my eyes closed almost the whole way there. Nate said I was so loud that I was hurting his ears and when he called the doctor she didn't even have to ask what we needed, she could hear me moaning through the phone. Unfortunately we left during rush hour so the 20 minute drive took us about 45 minutes instead. When we got there I wouldn't get out of car because I was in the middle of a contraction so Nate sat in the car with me while I waited it out. We slowly made it inside and we were quickly, well as quickly as I could go, led into a labor and delivery room. They got me into a hospital gown and tried to get an i.v. into my arm but were having trouble. The doctor gave the ok for me to go without one, which I was very happy about because I didn't want to have one. The on call doctor checked me out and I was 9 plus centimeters and fully effaced. I was shocked. I thought I would be about 6 or so. So did Candace and Nate. The nurses were rushing around getting everything set up and asking me lots of questions, which Nate in turn answered. Everyone assumed I would be delivering in no time.

I was only there about 30 minutes before I said that I felt like I needed to push. The doctor said he wanted to check me again. As he went to do so my water broke. It felt wonderful. This intense pressure was gushing away. When he went to check me after I was back down to 8 cm and 70% effaced. My bag of waters had been so low it was causing me to dilate further than I really was. It was a little discouraging but 8 cm was still great progress. When we said we were going natural I was left alone to labor with Candace and Nate. The nurses were great and never tried to push something that we did not want. They were all very supportive. At some point in time my doctor came in from the c-section she had just finished to check on me and see how I was doing. Nate and Candace kept moving me into different positions when I had been in one for too long. I used the birthing ball, a couch, hands and knees, even the shower again (although this time the shower did not feel as good and I even found it somewhat annoying.)

Towards the end I was on my knees on the floor with my head on the couch when my doctor came in and wanted to check me again. She told me to move to the bed and I told her that I couldn't. By now my contractions were literally one right after the other with no breaks in between. I was in intense pain and could not support my own weight. She got a little forceful with me and told me I had to move and she knew that I could do it. With Nate and Candace supporting much of my weight I finally made it to the bed and laid down. She checked out and said it was disappointing because I had not changed any. I was still 8 cm. It had been over 3 hours since I had changed any. She suggested putting me on pitocin to move things along and I strongly shook my head b/c I could not talk. Nate asked for some time for us to discuss things and it was given to us. I didn't really discuss anything, Candace and Nate did most of the talking.

Nate's comments about this time...
The only thing I have to add is to the conversation I had with the doctor that Gair only got parts of because she was in such active, hard labor (this is why I think we'll go with a mid-wife next time, even though 98% of our labor and birth story was great).

When I was asking questions trying to stall, the doctor actually told me that in her "expert medical opinion there was either something wrong with mom or something wrong with baby". She asked me what Gair's reasoning was for eschewing an epidural and pitocin, and I purposely gave her a long answer. I told her about my accident and breaking my back and how Gair saw how much pain I was in and how she had heard that some women had back pain forever after an epidural, and that's what got her thinking about ways to avoid an epidural. I discussed some other things and I told her that I really didn't see how she could handle a dose of pitocin on top of her already strong contractions. The doctor tried to convince me that something was wrong because Gair should have had Emily by now, and that she should not have stayed at 8 cm for 3.5 hours. She suggested that either Gair's pelvis was too small for the baby to fit through or that the contractions weren't strong enough to push the baby out. And she wanted to try the internal fetal monitor because that would tell her whether the contractions were strong enough to deliver the baby. I asked how the baby was doing (already knowing that she was fine because I could see her heart rate on the monitor from the EFM). The doctor said she was fine and that is why she would allow us more time, but she was concerned about Gair's ability to handle anymore. And to be quite honest, I was worried about her ability to handle much more (and of course your body only gives you what you can handle). Candace suggested to me that perhaps the uterus was just trying to contract back around the baby because the bag of waters was so tight and had stretched it out. When Gair's water broke she went from looking like she was 42 weeks pregnant to looking like she was about 30 weeks pregnant! I gave the doctor this theory also (another stalling technique).

I want to add that this little "hiccup" we had in our plan was only a small, small amount of time. All total, it took up about 20 minutes of a 21 hour labor. But it really affected me because the doctor REALLY had me almost believing that something was wrong with my wife or my child. This really scared me! My hands were shaking, my mouth was dry, I felt dizzy like I was going to pass out, and of course I was crying during most of my stall techniques with the doctor. I went from wanting this perfect, 100% natural, unmedicated childbirth to just wanting both of them to make it through the process ok. Luckily, everything worked out. But the doctor's "expert medical opinion" (her exact words) was really hard to hear at the time... especially when she ended up being wrong (at least she admitted it). Otherwise, she was GREAT!!! Very nice and overall she is more in favor of less invasive techniques than other doctors in that practice.

Ok, so back to the story. The doctor went to insert the internal fetal monitor and when she did so something changed. She never did insert it and told me that the next time I had a contraction try pushing. I didn't feel like I could but I tried. I wasted energy by still moaning loudly and she told me to stop doing that and use it to push. Again, I didn't think I could but again I tried. Apparently I had gone from 8 to 10 cm in that instant and that changed everything. After pushing once or twice Nate came up to my ear and told me he could see just a little bit of her head. This gave me the second wind I needed. To be honest the pushing part was great. I still had contractions but they didn't really hurt. I just had this intense need to push. The pushing did burn but it was very different than the contraction pain. I also got to rest in between them as they were not coming right on top of each other anymore. I even remember saying that I would take this any day over the contractions I had just been having.

I ended up pushing for an hour and at 11:25 pm out she finally came. I was exhausted but so wide awake because I had her in my arms. She was 8 lbs. 2 ozs. and 20 inches long. I had been completely prepared for her to come after my due date but if she had she would have been even bigger than she was. As it was she came 2 days early and I was so glad that it was over and she was with us.