Bailey

So I didn't really post much this month. I kept meaning to and life just got in the way. We have been busy visiting family though. We have been to my dad's house and spent time with him for his birthday. We went to my mom's and had an early Thanksgiving with her, my brother and sister-in law, my dad and Annie, and our good friends Kelly, James, and Katelyn. We also went to the Norfolk Zoo and the opening of Winter Wonderland while we were there.
Last week we went to Nate's parents house for the real Thanksgiving with his family. We went to visit Nathan and Kara while we were there and watch his family make apple butter. Bailey traveled with us to all of these places.
I know this blog is about Emily, but I have another baby that I am grieving over today. So forgive me this post about Bailey. She was 6 years, 9 months, and 17 days and yesterday evening around 6 pm we had to put her down.
It's funny how attached we become to our furry friends. She was not just our pet, she was a member of our family. Our first baby. The loss of her in our lives is more than we ever expected. It is the true loss of someone so close to you, someone you have loved and nurtured, taken care of when they were sick, and taught right and wrong too.
I can still remember the day we picked her out as ours. I always told everyone that she really picked us. And she did. She followed me and made it very hard for me to look at any of the other puppies. It was as if she was saying, "I am your dog, you are my people, no need to look at the rest of them." Nate always said it was me she picked, I was always her favorite.
I can remember the day we brought her home. She threw up on my lap. :) She was never fully happy unless she had both Nate and I with her. I have no memories in my current home without her.
In the end, the decision to let her go was mine. It's the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I know it was right for her. It was her time. But knowing that it was right didn't make the process any easier.
Wherever you are Bailey, I hope you are happy. I hope that you know how very loved you were and still are. You will always have a special place in our family.

Katelyn and Emily

This is Emily and Katelyn at my mom's house for an early Thanksgiving.

6 Month Well Visit

Emily went for her 6 month appointment this morning and everything went very well. She now weighs 14 lb 10 oz (25 percentile), is 25 in long (25 percentile), and her head is 16 3/4 in around (50 percentile). Yes, she has a big ole head. :)
We can now also expand upon what she is eating as no allergies have shown up with the first foods! We are excited to try different things with her.
She received her first vaccine today, which I was nervous about. (You heard me right, her first vaccine. We decided to delay them and in some cases not give them at all.) I was waiting for her to start screaming and my heart to break. Thankfully that didn't happen, maybe because she only received one vaccine today. (She only received the DTaP today.) She did cry, but by the time she started it was over with and we were able to distract her really quickly. I am really happy with they way we have chosen to do the vaccines that we are doing. Only having one today definitely worked in our favor. Having a whole series of shots would not have been fun because this girl can scream when she wants to.
The rest of the day we kept thinking that she was going to have a bad day due to side effects of the shot, but it never happened; another thing that I think having only one shot versus a series of them helped with. So, her first shot is down and we all survived. Yeah!
Now if this darn tooth would finally pop through we would be all good. We can see it, but it is just hanging out right beneath the skin. Hopefully soon!

Six Months Old, Oh My!

Emily turn 6 yesterday, well, 6 months. :) We were planning on having a small get together at the house to celebrate, but I, unfortunately, became sick this past week so we had to cancel it. I was disappointed, but my mother came up to visit anyway. She brought lunch and we all sat down to eat.
Emily ate her food for the first time in her high chair, so that was new. Mom had never seen her eat solids yet so she got a big kick out of the high chair and watching her eat from a spoon. Emily has gotten so much better eating this way, but is still messy and has quite a ways to go. It's really cute though!
Mom also saw her sit independently for the first time. A couple of weeks ago when she visited Emily was still a supported sitter.
They ended their visit by going for a stroll around the neighborhood, which I think they both enjoyed.
Emily has her 6 month doctor's appointment tomorrow so be looking for a post with all the new numbers and doctor's comments.
The pictures in this post were photos that we had done last weekend when we were in Madison.

Johnny Jump Up (or whatever it's called)

My friend, Ashley, gave me this activity toy a couple of weeks ago and I just got around to using it with Emily today. It is the best thing ever. She loves it; I love it; all is good with the world! She gets to kick her feet and move around without me having to hold her all of the time. I don't know why I didn't try it earlier. She can spin around in all directions and watch me where ever I go. As long as she can see me she is in a good mood.

She is at the point now that she gets frustrated easily because she can't always get to wherever it is that she wants to go. She kicks her body around to try to crawl or move in some way but, it just isn't happening yet. Then the crying starts because she can't get whatever it is she is after. With this, she is just so happy to be moving, that she doesn't really worry about much else. Yeah!!

Here is a video of her having fun!!

It's Been Awhile

Sorry there have not been a lot of posts recently. We are doing a lot and keeping busy, but nothing really blog worthy. We have been to the park a couple of times and hung out in the back yard. She is learning about cold weather for the first time. (She does not like getting ready to go outside.) We went to my God-daughter's birthday party 2 weeks ago and then went to Averett's homecoming last weekend. Had fun at both events, but am definitely looking forward to this weekend when we get to say around home. Nate and I are also celebrating our 6 year anniversary since we haven't had the chance to do that yet. The actual day was October 2!

Oh, and here is the picture of her sitting that I promised!

She Sat!!!

She sat today! All by herself! After about 45 seconds she leaned to the side and over she went, but she still sat on her own, unsupported!! Of course, she wouldn't let me take a picture of her sitting, but hopefully soon I will capture it on camera. I will post a picture if I can get one. My soon to be 5 month old is growing up so quickly!

Just Found

Just found this video on the camera. Emily was still in the hospital, so she was less than 2 weeks old here. She just kept staring at her daddy. I thought it was cute. Enjoy!

Solids

Just wanted to share what Emily looks like when attempting to eat. So far she likes carrots, doesn't seem to like peas. She actually opens up wanting the carrots. She still hasn't figured out how to eat them without sticking her tongue out over and over like a snake, but she seems to want them. The peas just got lots of funny faces. Banana's are next on the list to try.

Two Firsts

Two weeks ago we went hiking at Graves Mill in Madison Co. Nate's dad went with us and we took Emily along for her first hike. She did really well and was really only fussy when she became hungry. She loves being outside and looking around at all of the bright colors. Once we turned around and started back to the car, Emily fell asleep. She slept soundly on my back until right before we got back to the car. It ended up being a really nice day.

Her other first was trying a little bit of rice cereal the other day. She doesn't know what to do with the spoon. It's pretty funny to watch. She tries to suck on it like a bottle and of course it doesn't work. I know she will eventually figure it out though. She isn't eating much yet. In fact I don't know that any of it is actually going down her throat :) but that is ok. It's just another activity to do in between feeding times.

On a completely separate note, I have to leave Emily tomorrow! I am already missing her and I have not even left yet. I know she will be in good hands with her dad, but he has never spent so much time alone with her. They will probably get a little frustrated with each other but it will give him a little dose of what it is like to be home with her all of the time. I am sure he will be as ready for me to come home on Sunday and I will be to get home.

I guess, technically, the title to this post should be 3 firsts, because this will be the first time that I will not be with Emily overnight. I am freaking out, but I know it will all be ok. :D

I Can't Believe She is 4 Months Old!

Time just goes by so quickly. She has changed so much in such a short time. She is sucking her thumb now (which she has been trying to do four a couple of months). She is trying to crawl, but hasn't quite figured out all of the logistics of that yet. She is really recognizing and responding to Nate and I. She has discovered her feet and is always pulling on them and trying to put them in her mouth. Oh, and she finally rolled over for me at the end of last week! She finally let me see her do it!!
Yesterday, we went to our Bradly Class Reunion. All of the families were there and it was wonderful to see everyone. We got there around 1 pm and stayed until 5. I didn't think we had been there so long. It was just wonderful to talk to parents, and moms in particular, who are currently going through many of the same things I am going through.

All of the babies were so cute together. Emily is the 2nd oldest (the oldest was born on the same day as Emily, just a few hours before) of the group. The babies range from 4 months to 2 months. Even though she is older than most, she was not the biggest. There were a few babies that were already wearing 6 month clothes!

We had a great time though and I am looking forward to getting to meet up with them again.

Emily's Semi-Laugh

Sorry this video is a little shaky. I was blowing on her belly trying to get her to laugh at the park yesterday and it was working. So I tried to get it on video. She never does anything quite as well when you try to capture it, because she gets distracted by the camera I guess. Anyway, trying to get her to laugh and hold a camera still at the same time doesn't really work.


Um, so this video does have sound. I am not sure what happened to it. After I originally posted the video I played it back just to double check it and there was no sound. For some reason, I can't get it to upload the sound with the video. Sorry about that, but I hope you enjoy the video anyway!

Four Month Appointment!

We went to the pediatricians for Emily's 4 month check-up this morning. Dr. Tull said that everything looked really good with her and that we were doing a wonderful job. She looked happy and healthy!

She got all of her measurements done and her height is 23 and 3/4 inches (30th percentile). Her weight is 13 lbs. 1 oz. (45th percentile). And her head measured 16 and 1/4 inches (50th percentile). Her weight gain was very good this month which is good to off set the bad weight gain she had last month.

She is still on the monitor, for those of you that I know are wondering about this.

We don't go back again until the end of October. I will be very anxious to know her new measurement by then.

We went to the park after her appointment was over to take advantage of the cooler weather today. Well, the not blazing so hot that I sweat just from opening my front door weather. It was overcast and breezy so it made for a pleasant enough day. We strolled around Crump Park and then found a nice spot under a tree to rest and snack and read. We spend about two hours there today and it was wonderful just to be spending some time outside!

(This picture was taken at the park today. She was smiling right when I hit the button on my phone to take the picture and by the time it snapped this is the face I got. Still cute though.)

So Many Changes

I don't think I have mentioned that Emily actually rolled over when we were at the beach a few weeks ago. I didn't get to see it, but my mom and Nate did. More than once!

I was in another room from the rest of them and they had her on her tummy. She apparently rolled over 5 different times. By the time I got to the room she wouldn't do it anymore. Nate has seen her do it since then, but this little milestone seems to still elude me. It's like she just doesn't want me to see her do it.

She has also laughed out loud. She has been smiling and doing something that is supposed to be a laugh (but really isn't) and then out of the blue early last week she just up and laughed. I mean a big, loud, ha ha funny laugh. All we were doing was eating dinner. She was watching us and she started laughing. Neither of us were looking at her and we weren't sure she had done it. We kinda giggled a bit because she was still smiling and she laughed again. Which in turn made us laugh, which made her laugh more, and so on. This laughing episode lasted for a few minutes. She hasn't done it again since then, but she has come really close on a couple of different occasions. I can't wait til she does it again!

I also love my little hugs. They aren't really hugs, but I like pretending that they are. When I pick her up, sometimes one arm ends up on one side of my neck and one arm ends up on the other. Right now she is in a stages where anything that ends up between her hands or arms ends up being pulled to her chest or mouth. So this is what she does to my neck. I love it though! It always makes me smile.

Her 4 month doctors appointment is tomorrow so I will have new information to share!

Visiting with Bridget!!

Last week was my long overdue reunion with my very good friend from college, Bridget. I was so happy to see her again and to meet her son, Michael, as well as have her meet Emily. It was a very happy time for me. Of course, having the kiddos around all of the time made it stressful as well.

On Tuesday morning Chloe, Bridget, and I meet up at Maymont so that Emma (Chloe's daughter) could see the animals at the petting zoo and to show Bridget around. We went in the morning to try to avoid some of the heat, but it was still hot!! We basically made it through the petting zoo part and then found a nice shade tree to park it under. We stayed there until we left around noon (when Emily started crying very loudly because she was tired) so unfortunately B did not see much of the park. It was still a good time though.

On Wednesday, we meet up again at Short Pump Town Center for lunch and a stroll. This time accompanied by Melissa, who came up to see all of the little ones! It was another hot day, but at least we were eating inside. After lunch we strolled around and let the little ones play in the fountain.

I wish she could have been here longer, but am already looking forward to our next visit and I am so happy that she got to meet Emily!!

Emily's First Beach Vacation

We went to Cape Charles for a few days at the end of July and had a very relaxing time. Well most of it was relaxing, but that is another story. Anyway, Emily did really well at the beach. We put her feet in the sand and she seemed memorized by the feel of it. We sat with her in the water and she kicked at it and seemed very content. It was perfect because the beach is what I call a "little beach." I call it this because there really aren't waves being that the beach is on the bay side of the Eastern Shore. Mom was with us and Matt and Lauren came up for a day. We strolled around town a bit and now Mom is set on finding a place of her own in the town. She is in love with it as a vacation spot. She is determined that Emily is going to be a beach girl like we are, and that is ok by me!

3 Months Old! I Can't Believe It!!

I just can't believe how much she is changing everyday. Sometimes I want her to stay just like she is. I am loving every minute of it and I don't want her to change too quickly. But, some days I can't wait for the next thing that she learns to do.

Yesterday, we went for Emily's 3 month check-up at the pediatricians. Everything was good except for her weight. Her height was almost 23 1/2 inches so she grew 1.75 inches since last months. This is a big difference from the previous month when she only grew half an inch. It places her about 50th percentile for growth. Her head is 50th too where it has been all along. Her weight was the biggest difference this month. She weighed 11 lbs. and 9 ozs. Last month she weighed in at 11 lbs. and 5 ozs. so she has only gained 4 ozs. We were hoping for at least a pound and a half. So she went from 75th percentile in weight last month to 40th this month. She is eating enough throughout the day so she should be gaining more than that. Her reflux has not abated any and we think this is the cause for her slow weight gain this month. We are going to try a different reflux medicine and we have to try and feed her an extra bottle each day. Not a full bottle, but a little extra at the end of the day to try and get a little more into her. We will see how her weight is at the next appointment. Lets hope these changes work!

Other than that she is great. The Pediatrician is happy with everything else and says she looks good.

Changes for this month... she is smiling and laughing a lot, she holds her own head up all the time, pulls her head up when laying down and looks around, pulls her body into a sitting position with her torso (although she can't hold it there :), has almost rolled over, sleeps from 9 pm til 6:30 am without waking up (well she wakes up at about 3:30 but just wants her binky and then goes back to sleep), and her apnea monitor has not gone off while she was sleeping for almost 4 weeks now. Her reflux is still bad though, as I already mentioned, and still makes her gasp and choke so we still have to keep a close eye on her.

All and all it's been a good month and I can't wait to see the changes she goes through in the month to come!!

Colonial Williamsburg

We took a trip to Colonial Williamsburg yesterday. It was a much needed outing and we really enjoyed it. I had to stop the car a bunch of times on the way there and on the way back but we made it.

She really enjoyed being outside and it was a beautiful day to be out. It has been so hot lately that the 85 or so degree weather felt so nice. We meet my Dad and Annie for dinner at Food for Thought and Emily actually let me eat!

On the way home we had a little bit of a scare though. She started choking. It had been 3.5 to 4 hours since she had eaten and should have been fine, but she was choking. I slammed on the brakes and pulled to the side of the road. (Luckily we were on Route 60 instead of Interstate 64.) I got around the car to her in time to see clear liquid squirt out of her mouth and nose. Nothing has ever come out of her nose before and nothing coming out of her has ever been clear. She was still choking so I got her out of her car seat and had to hit her on the back to clear out her throat. Then she started screaming. The episode seemed to have hurt her throat or nose or both. It took a while to calm her back down, but she was ok.

When we got home the bib she was wearing was soaked through and the onesie underneath was very wet as well. I was very glad to be home. We had had a good time but not a good car ride.

Taking Trips

So, in the past two weeks we have been out of town twice with Emily. It has been interesting to say the least. Before Emily, we could get away with one bag for Nate and I combined and then a small bag for Bailey's food and her bowls. Not any more.

On June 25th and 26th we went to Madison County to go to a friend's wedding and see Nate's family. It took us half the day to pack up the bags and the car. Not only did we have our ONE bag and the small bag for Bailey, we had like 4 for Emily. One was for her apnea monitor, another for her bottles and breast pump and such, a third was a big diaper bag that had her clothes, diapers, blankets, burp clothes, etc. in it, and a fourth that was technically a smaller diaper bag for me to carry around once we got there. Oh, and we had to bring the wedge and sling that she sleeps on.

Even with all of that stuff we still had a lot of room in our little Honda Fit. Bailey was very happy with her new travel accommodations. She had always had the entire back seat (which is not but so big) in one of our two door cars before, but in the Fit we laid down one side of the back seat and she had tons of room, our stuff had plenty of room, and Emily was nice and content on her side of the car.

We had a good time at the rehearsal dinner and the wedding, but neither of us slept much the night that we were there.

For the 4th of July Emily and I went to Portsmouth to see my mom. Nate had to drive us to Williamsburg to meet my mom and then Emily and I rode the rest of the way with her (because of her apnea). The first night, I only got about 3 hours of sleep. The second, I had to sleep with my hand hanging inside her bassinet and holding her pacifier in her mouth because that was the only way I could get her to stay asleep. She sleeps much better at home in her own bed.

None the less we had good times both weekends and have learned that we need to start packing about 3 days in advance if we want to get out of the door on time. :)

2 Month Check-Up

We went for Emily's check-up yesterday. Dr. Tull said that she looked really good. Her height is 21 3/4 inches (25th percentile), her weight is 11 lbs. 5 ozs. (70th percentile), and her head is 15 1/2 around (55th percentile). Of course, we don't expect her to be very tall. She can thank Nate and I both for that.

She is holding her head well, standing with balance support, and smiling. She is really hard to resist when she is smiling. It is really cute! I will try to get a picture of it on here soon.

Her next check-up is July 22nd, so we will see where she is then!

It's been a long day

So, after lots and lots of spitup, 3 alarms going off, a couple of choking incidents, and going through 2 outfits for Emily, 3 outfits for me, 3 blankets, and about 6 burp cloths, oh and barely any sleep for either of us today, the day is finally over.

Today wasn't necessarily a bad day... just a long one. I always hate when she is having a bad day because of her reflux. Not because it is a more difficult day for me but because there isn't much I can do about it but be there for her.

Hopefully tomorrow will go a little more smoothly.

Activity Time

Hope you enjoy seeing her in action! Hopefully more videos will follow!

Stupid Monitor

Exactly a week after we brought Emily home we had the worst night thus far. She was actually really good but her apnea monitor was not.

Nate went to go and turn it off and it started a really loud, constant beep. It wouldn't stop. We did everything that the company told us to do to turn the awful noise off but it wouldn't stop. Emily was fine. It was not making the noise because of her. It was just malfunctioning.

The monitor company has a 24 hour emergency number so we called it. No one answered but the greeting on the voice mail stated that someone would call us back in just a few minutes. Ok, no problem. This first call was at 7:30 pm.

By 9:00 the monitor was wrapped up in one of Emily's blankets and shut inside the dryer so that we could not hear the noise from upstairs. I was pissed because we had not heard back from the on call nurse for the company so I called again and left another message. All we could think about was having to stay awake all night long so that we could make sure she was still breathing. We were both exhausted and were not looking forward to forcing ourselves to stay awake.

We had heard about the Angelcare monitors that you can buy in the stores. Wal-Mart, Target, and Babies R Us all carry them. Unfortunately it was Sunday night so everything was already closed except for Wal-Mart. So Nate went in search of one hoping we could have her sleep on this instead for one night. We were mad about this too because they are not cheap.

By 11:00 there was still no call from the on call nurse. When I called yet again I did not leave a very nice message. Nate was back with no Angelcare monitor because the Wal-Marts in Richmond don't have them in the stores, only online. Our monitor was still beeping away.
We were done!

Nate went and pulled the monitor out of the dryer and started taking it apart. He could reach the piece he need to in order to get to the inside battery so he handed it over to me. I finally got to it and it was quiet. But now, we had no working monitor. We put some of the pieces back together, it was in about 5 by this point, and miraculously got it to work again. It was still in pieces, but it was working. So now we could at least make it through the night. We were still nervous though, because we were not sure how long it would continue to work.

It ended up going off 3 different times throughout the night, because Emily stopped breathing, not because it was malfunctioning. Nothing serious, but we definitely needed a working monitor. It scares me to think what could have happened if we hadn't figured out how to rig it to work for the night.

At 9:00 in the morning there was still no call from the company so I called them again. Someone answered this time as it was during their normal business hours. I explained what had happened the previous night and the nurse stated that she was the one on call last night and never received any phone calls. She said someone would come by the house to see what was wrong and give us a new monitor. I also told her she might want to try checking messages as I had left quite a few.

When the nurse from the company (a different nurse than the one I talked to) stopped by the house she told us that the situation had been investigated and that the nurse that had been on call that night had gone to church and turned off the phone. She forgot to turn it back on and check messages. She apologized for the company and gave us the owner's personal cell phone number in case anything should happen again. She also told us that they were going to be reviewing their on call policies at an upcoming meeting. She asked us for any suggestions we might have to improve this area and we gave her some ideas. She took the old monitor and gave us a new one. She had never seen one in so many pieces before. I am not exactly sure what happened to the nurse that had been on call.

We have not had any problems since then, thank goodness, and the one other time that I have had to contact the company I had a very good response from them. The company seems to be a good one, but that one nurse was very irresponsible.

What Happened Next

So Nate mentioned in the last post that we didn't know what her reflux was like off the medications. Well we found out when we took her off of the Reglan. It CAN be really bad, but isn't always. Sometimes she eats and doesn't really spit up. Just a very small amount comes back up. Other times she chokes and spits up half of what she eats.

Sometimes everything that is going to come up comes up with in a few minutes. Others it keeps coming up for up to two hours after she eats. You can hear when she refluxes most of the time because she starts gulping loudly and gasping when she breathes. I don't know if I can explain in a way that everyone can really understand, but it IS NOT normal infant reflux. That is a sure thing. It is still manageable, but we just have to keep a closer eye on her when she is eating and directly afterward.

When she went back to the pediatrician on May 24th for her 1 month check up Dr. Tull said she was looking really good. Emily weighed 9 lbs. 10 ozs. and was 21 and 1/4 inches long. Her head, length, and weight all fell into the 50th percentile. She had good skin and coloring too. She is still on the monitor and Zantac but these are things she will continue to be on for a while. Her next appointment is on June 28th so we will see where she is then.

First Pediatrician Appointment

From May 12th...

We took Emily to her Pediatrician today. Dr. Tull (Emily's Pediatrician) said she is a beautiful, healthy little girl. She said we can take her off the Reglan, because the Tardive Dyskinesia is a legitimate concern. Dr. Tull stated that a lot of hospitals like to prescribe it, but pediatricians don't really like to use it because it is so controversial and that we definitely don't want to trade a temporary problem (reflux) for a permanent problem (tardive dyskinesia). She said if the reflux is so severe while we're off of Reglan we can always go back on it for a little while and see what happens. But because we have had so little interaction with her because she spent the entire first 2 weeks in the hospital, we don't know how bad the reflux is off of the Reglan. I tend to think the hospital was just being uber-cautious to avoid a lawsuit, and that it's really not that bad. She's spit up on me quite a bit, and it never made me think "WOW, this is insane!!!" Babies reflux and spit-up... some worse than others. But that's why we have the take-home monitor. Her next follow-up appointment is May 24th.

Her apnea monitor went off for the first time yesterday. Gair was holding her and it beeped 3 times. By the 3rd beep, Gair had already re-positioned her and Emily started breathing again. It is set to alarm if she stops breathing for more than 20 seconds (it is common for babies to routinely stop breathing for as much as 20 seconds because their breathing is so irregular).

A final note: Emily was born 8 lbs, 2 oz. She went down to 7 lbs, 12 oz shortly after she was born (all babies lose weight initially). She was 8 lbs, 10 oz on Saturday night when the hospital weighed her for the last time. The Pediatrician's office weighed her today, and she was 8 lbs, 13 oz. So she's gained 11 oz from her birth weight in just 2.5 weeks. And a total of 1 lb 1 oz since her initial weight loss. So apparently eating will not be a problem... this girl can put down some food!

Rooming In

This was sent out before we knew she was coming home on this day. Her being discharged was the best Mother's Day present I could have ever asked for!

From May 9th (Mother's Day)...

We spent the night "rooming in" at the hospital last night. Basically, we used the hospital like a hotel, had Emily in our room, and had minimal assistance from the nurses. This is an important step in bringing her home. It shows the hospital that we can handle her care without much (if any) asssistance from them. In fact, the only time we needed anything was when we needed Emily's nurse to bring us more breastmilk from the refridgerator. We are still feeding her breast milk, but it has to be thickened by adding Simply Thick, and also we are adding some calories to it increase her caloric intake without increasing the volume of milk. So there is a little bit of formula powder we are adding to the milk.

She is also on Reglan and Zantac, which both appear to be working. We want to minimize the amount of time she is on Reglan because long-term (3+ months) and high dose usage (she's on the lowest dose possible) has been associated with Tardive Dyskinesia, a condition that causes repetitive involuntary facial tics and uncontrolled movements of the limbs. The condition is irreversible and there is no current cure. Obviously we don't want to trade reflux for Tardive Dyskinesia... that's not an acceptable trade-off. The pharmacist that filled her prescriptions yesterday told us that he would try to Emily off of the Reglan as soon as possible. Reglan speeds stomach emptying and supposedly works really well, but the side effects are severe. This will be something we are going to ask our Pediatrician about when we have our first appointment with her. Depending on several circumstances, we may discontinue the use of Reglan on our own if we feel Emily is doing well enough that she does not need that drug. Or perhaps something else could be prescribed. Difficult decisions lie ahead.

Still no "official" discharge date... although it appears all signs are pointing towards either today or tomorrow. We still don't want to get our hopes up, so we alway assume "Tomorrow", because "tomorrow never comes"... So everyday we wake up and say "Maybe tomorrow..." knowing it could be today. But when we go back this afternoon, we're going to make a strong case to the attending physician that we can take her home today, and nothing else will be accomplished in another 24 hours in the hospital. There really isn't much they can do for her at this point other than monitor her. Her nurse last night told us that there wasn't any point in keeping Emily here any longer and that she should go home with us. We'll see how it goes...

(This was taken right after we found out she was being discharged.You can see me holding my Mother's Day present from her.)

The End is Near

I don't have too many more of these old updates from the hospital to post before I start on new topics. I just want everything about Emily in one place. So bear with me for a couple more posts and then we will move on to what is going on with us now that she is home!

From May 7th...

After 14 days in the hospital, we finally can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I spoke to the Pediatric Gastroenterologist(there are only 2 in the Greater Richmond area) over the phone this morning. She said that it appears that Emily's reflux is triggering the apneic spells. What happens is that when Emily refluxes her body goes into a protective mode to prevent aspiration of food contents (milk) into her lungs. She does this by closing her epiglottis, which is a flap that covers the trachea to prevent food from going into the lungs while eating and swallowing. The problem is that because of her immaturity, her body does not take the next step in this process, which is then swallowing and the epiglottis reopening to allow air to flow into the lungs. So when she refluxes (not every time), she does this process and has a "dusky" or apenic episode.

She's been prescribed two medications, Reglan and Zantac. The Reglan promotes gastric emptying and of course Zantac is an antacid. They prescribed her the lowest possible effective dose and they don't anticipate that she will be on it very long. They are ordering us a Tucker Wedge and Sling today also.

We're supposed to "room-in" tomorrow night (Saturday) at the hospital with Emily. So she won't be discharged tomorrow. We're hoping for Sunday (Mother's Day), but that may also be unlikely. Hopefully Monday at the latest... but I'm not holding my breath. This has been a huge exercise in practicing patience. The hospital is still very reluctant to release her to our care at this time. No episodes in 3 days. I think they are still holding out hope for the "5-7 days without an episode" standard. Let's cross our fingers she makes it 2 more days. At this point, it doesn't feel like they will let her go until she does go 5-7 days without an episode.

We'll see what happens...

Updates from 5/5 and 5/6

From May 5...

It has been 12 days after Emily was born, and she's still in the hospital. The doctors are completely clueless as to what is causing her apneic episodes. The last possible cause could be GERD (gastroesophagul reflux disease), which 80% of babies have. Her reflux has gotten worse recently, so the current Neonatologist she's seeing (she's seen 6 of the 7 in the NICU and PCN) feels very strongly that she needs a barium swallow test. Although he admits that the test will only tell him the severity of the reflux and rule out a bunch of other rare disorders that he says he doesn't really expect to find. Our main objection to the test is the level of radiation she's exposed to because a barium swallow upper GI study has significantly more radiation than just your regular x-ray. Infants are more sensitive to radiation than adults. We are already treating for reflux (i.e. elevating the head of her mattress 45 degrees, thickening bottle feeds, burping often), so I'm not exactly sure what knowing 100% unequivocally that she has reflux will help with. The doctor is already 99% sure she has reflux, and doesn't expect anything seriously wrong to show up on the study.

We were trained with the home monitor yesterday and it was issued to us. We had our Infant CPR refresher course last Thursday. And the doctor was ready to discharge us today (with or without the barium swallow test) until she had another small apneic episode yesterday while we were at lunch. Luckily she recovered on her own without any intervention. After that, he changed his mind and stated that he would be "really, really, uncomfortable allowing us to leave now" and that if we left it would have to be against medical advice and we would be asked to sign a liability waiver. He said that his goal is to be 100% confident that she's not going to have anymore apneic episodes when she goes home with us. While that goal is very admirable, I think it's very unrealistic. Gair and I never expected to go home and never have an apneic episode, which is why we got trained in CPR again and also agreed to a take home apnea monitor. Why would the hospital send us home with a monitor if they didn't think another episode would occur???

The deeper we get into this issue, the more I start to learn that a lot of babies have apneic episodes and a lot of babies have reflux. They outgrow both conditions before they reach 1 year of age. It seems to us that the reflux might be causing some apneic episodes, but it probably is not thecause of the apnea. It could be, but I don't think the doctors know any better than we do. I know that a lot of babies are sent home and have apneic episodes and nobody ever notices. It's common for babies to stop breathing on their own for as much as 20 seconds. That seems like an eternity to us, but it is normal for an infant. Could it be that what Emily is doing is normal and usually goes unnoticed (since she has recovered on her own some of the time, and only needed minor stimulation the rest of the time)? Would she have recovered on her own if nobody noticed the first apneic episode and came home with us? We don't know. We're actually glad that they caught the first episode because if it is something serious I'd rather come home with an apnea monitor than wake up to a SIDS death.

So we're still in limbo. No official discharge date. No progress made. It's very frustrating watching other babies go home each day, and they were much worse off than Emily when all of this started.

From May 6th...

A lot has happened since yesterday. We reluctantly agreed to the barium swallow, upper GI study. Our main objection was that the radiation level was significant for a newborn just to unequivocally diagnose something that they already suspected (GERD). But after weighing the options, and canceling the test twice, we finally decided that the small risk of cancer the radiation may create did not outweigh the risk that potentially severe GERD presented her at the present moment. We spoke to the lady who was going to perform the test, Kathleen. She reassured us that they would use the lowest dose of radiation possible because of Emily's age, and that she would make the amount of time she was exposed to the radiation was minimal. A barium swallow test is like an x-ray movie. Some tests can last as long as 6 hours. Kathleen told us that she may be able to get the results she needs within 20 secs. But she wouldn't be exposed to radiation for more than 5 minutes total (which still seems like a long time for a newborn). I guess it's better than 6 hours. The good news is that they did learn something. They discovered that she has "significant reflux". Kathleen said that it takes a lot to impress her, and she has seen a lot of reflux over the years, and she was impressed! They only fed her 20 cc of liquid (barium mixed in breast milk), and she refluxed almost immediately. So they were able to learn what they wanted to and Emily's exposure to radiation was minimal. I guess this is the best possible outcome considering the circumstances.

The course of action now is to continue treating the reflux. This is what we're going to have to do from this point forward until she outgrows it.

*Emily will sleep on an incline of 45-60 degrees. There is a product called the Tucker Wedge and Sling. http://www.tuckersling.com/
*Thicken feedings. Unfortunately, she will not be able to breast feed exclusively, but she can still have breast milk. We really wanted to avoid using formula. We will have to add a thickening agent to the breast milk for awhile to help her keep it down.
*Have Emily on an antacid, Zantac is what the doctor recommended. She wants to avoid stronger medications because they have undesirable side effects. The Zantac will help prevent damage to her esophagus.
*More frequent, smaller feedings. And pause periodically during feeding to burp. If she eats too fast, it will cause reflux. If she eats too much it will cause reflux.
*She will also be on an Apnea monitor. We've already been given one by the hospital. The alarm sounds if her respiration or heart rate slows down too much. The low limit on the heart rate is 80 bpm. So an alarm will sound if her heart rate drops below 80 bpm. For those that don't know, a normal infant HR range is between 130-150.
*Finally, we will just have to keep an eye on her and keep her upright as much as possible after she eats. We will also have to try and limit crying as much as possible (I know it's impossible to stop a baby from crying, just reducing it is all we will shoot for). Crying is one of the number 1 ways an apneic spell occurs. Because crying causes reflux, if she gets really, really upset, she could have an apneic episode and stop breathing.

So that's the plan. Hopefully she will be home sometime this weekend. It's been the longest 2 weeks of our lives... but at least it's almost over...

Hospital Update from 5/1

We are trying to spend as much time at the hospital as possible. It's getting increasingly more difficult to spend so much time there and then have to leave her there at the end of the evening. She hasn't had any episodes (that we count) in over 2 days. Tonight at 11 PM, it will tie her previous record of 2.5 days without a stop breathing (apneic) episode.

We spoke to a doctor today, who mentioned that Emily had an episode last night. This was news to us! The episode she was referring to was after Emily had eaten, she had a little bit of trouble with spit up, but nothing I would consider that abnormal. She burped and spit up. She never stopped breathing. She never turned blue. Her vital signs on her monitor never went down. But it sounds like they want to reset the "5-7 days without an episode timer" now. So they are saying it will possibly be the END of next week before we can bring her home and that's only if she doesn't have anymore episodes.

The doctor today mentioned doing a barium swallow test to see how she is swallowing and see if it actually is a type of reflux. I don't know too much about this test, but I had my reservations about unnecessarily exposing Emily to more radiation. So when I got home today, I did some research on barium swallow tests. Of course wikipedia was one of the first sources to pop up. This is what wikipedia said at the end of their entry on barium swallow tests: "As with all X-rays, the barium swallow technique employs radiation, and may irradiate the patient unnecessarily... it should be avoided as much as possible for children and pregnant women." I know that infants and young children are more sensitive to radiation than adults. She's already had one set of x-rays that yielded nothing. I'm concerned that this test may yield nothing also and she'll be exposed yet again to unnecessary radiation. We want to do what's best for our baby girl... but we also don't want her future health to be compromised either. I asked her nurse tonight if we could be consulted before they order the barium swallow test, and she said "of course". We then learned that the hospital was supposed to consult with us and ask our permission before each and every test, including the blood work and antibiotics. They did not. We would not have objected to any of the tests she has received thus far, but she was about to go get a CT scan one day last week and they weren't even going to ask us first. A CT scan has A LOT more radiation than an X-ray (studies have shown that infants exposed to a CT scan have a 1 in 200 chance of developing cancer later in life. Whereas if a 70 year old received the same level of radiation, their chance would be 1 in 10,000. I got two CT scans after my accident in 2008, and I wasn't thrilled about either one, but that's in the past now). Luckily I said something, and they opted to do an MRI instead (an MRI uses magnets, so there is a lot less radiation).

As for what's on the schedule for next week. They want to do the barium swallow test on Monday (unless we put a hold on that). They also need to order the take-home monitor and set up a time for the company to come by the hospital and show us how to use it at home. They also want us to "room in" the last night Emily's stays at the hospital. Basically they would put her in a hospital room with us, hooked up to the monitor and let us all sleep in the same room. That way if something happened, we'd have help close by.

She passed the "Car Seat Challenge" yesterday also. They had us bring our car seat in and she had to sit in it for 30 minutes without her vital signs dropping. They remained constant and she actually fell asleep. So that's a good sign. One less test to pass before we can go home.

Still a ways to go before we can bring her home, and even longer still until this is past us.

Hospital Updates From April 28th and 30th

From April 28th...

We left the hospital this afternoon around 4:30 PM (going back later tonight). They were moving Emily from the NICU to the PCN (Progressive Care Nursery). She finished her antibiotics today so they finally removed that big, obnoxious IV block and saline lock from her poor little elbow. She screamed like they were killing her... but not so much from removing the actual needle. More when they pulled the tape off. She did not like that a bit!

The MRI was perfect and the EEG was perfect. Still no abnormalities that they can find. I also learned yesterday that they did an echocardiogram (also known as a cardiac echo). Basically it's an ultrasound of the heart and they said her heart looks perfect. They did an EKG (which was also perfect) and X-rays on her Sunday (also perfect).

They are still saying she has to make it for 5 consecutive days without an "episode" before they will release her. At 6:00 PM tonight she will have gone 48 hours without any breathing "episodes". They want us to take an infant CPR class before she is discharged (which is a good idea anyway, even if she wasn't having these problems). We have both been CPR certified for infants before but it's been a few years (4 years since my last certification, not sure about Gair). They may also send us home with a monitor that would sound alarms should her breathing slow down too much.

Overall she seems to be pretty content and happy. She is breastfeeding better and has gained some weight. We won't be able to use any of the newborn diapers we have for her when we get her home! Oh well... we just want to get her home!

From April 30th...

Not much to report today. We haven't seen a doctor in 2 days. There is always one present in the NICU, but they come and go in the PCN. She gets examined by a Neonatologist everyday in the morning. Since she had the two apneic episodes yesterday (apnea is any form of stopped breathing, regardless of the cause... it can even be on purpose if you hold your breath), it appears that the countdown timer reset and she will be held for 5-7 days for observation starting from yesterday.

Overall she seems to be doing fine. I think the hardest thing is that we can't bring her home. I commented to Gair today that Emily is a week old and has never been outside. It's very frustrating. It feels like we're going to visit someone in jail (because she can't leave). I admitted to Gair today that I feel love for Emily and I feel very close to her, but she doesn't feel like my daughter. It feels like she belongs to someone else... like I'm her uncle or something. To me, that is the hardest part. I think it's probably harder on Gair since she carried her for 9+ months. It's so anti-climatic. We had this wonderful birth experience a week ago, and since Sunday it hasn't been all that great.

Since she's most likely coming home on a monitor, we're going to have be extra picky about who is responsible for her during the day when we're both at work. We're also going to require that anyone who is going to babysit her be Infant CPR certified. We took our Infant CPR refresher course last night. Both Gair and I have had CPR (Infant and Adult) certifications in the past. I know I've been certified and re-certified 5 or 6 times. The class we took last night did not give us certification, but we will look to expand upon the refresher course we had last night soon.

Emily Updates

Emily ended up in the hospital for two weeks after she was born. She was having apneic episodes and they didn't know why she was having them. The next few posts are update that Nate sent out to people updating them on what was going on. It was the easiest way we could answer everyone's questions with out actually having to talk to everyone.

The first update (in this post) was sent after 4 days in the hospital. By this point in time she had been moved from the regular nursery to the Progressive Care Nursery (PCN) to the NICU.

This first update was from April 27th...

Since we're getting a million phone calls, I thought we'd start sending out a daily or twice daily e-mail to everyone until Emily gets out of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). For those that haven't heard, I'll do a quick re-cap of what has happened since Sunday. We were about 15 minutes away from leaving the hospital on Sunday when the Pediatrician put a hold on everything because Emily stopped breathing and turned blue (or as they say "dusky"). 2 hours of observation in the nursery turned into a trip to the PCN (Progressive Care Nursery) where the ratio is 3 infants to 1 nurse (in the regular newborn it's 7:1). They just wanted to watch her more closely. She had another "blue episode" there, so they moved her to the NICU (ratio of 1:1). All total, she's had 5 "blue episodes" where she stops breathing and starts turning blue. She had one yesterday evening about 6 PM. They suspected she may have contracted a bacterial infection when she passed through the birth canal so they put her on a 3 day round of antibiotics. Or it could be Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD), which is basically acid reflux. Or something else. They are trying to rule out all possibilities.

They did an EEG (Electroencephalography)on Emily today. They have done at least one EKG (Electrocardiography). They were doing an MRI on her brain at 3:00 PM today when we left. We're going back tonight to check on her again. Overall she seems to be doing pretty well. They just don't want to send her home and have us back again within 24 hours. She is definitely the healthiest baby in the NICU (which is supposed to be one of the best NICU's in Richmond). She is at Henrico Doctor's Hospital at the Forest Campus (which I learned today was one of the top 50 hospitals in America for 4 straight years). So she's in good hands.

At 6:00 tonight she will have gone 24 hours without an "episode", which will be her longest yet. They were going to consider keeping her for one day for observation after she finished her course of antibiotics (which should be today), until her episode last night at 6. Now they are saying they want to keep her for 3-5 days without having any episodes before they send her home. So basically she has made it 1 day if she doesn't have anymore until 6 tonight. But she needs to go 2-4 more days without having any episodes before they send her home. So she could make it 2-3 days and have another episode and they might reset the "countdown". Or they might just send her home with a monitor. I think they're going to do that anyway. It's frustrating. I know she's in good hands, but it's definitely anti-climatic when you have such a wonderful birth and such a wonderful little girl, and you can't bring her home. It hasn't really sunk yet that we're parents because we have no responsibility for her basic needs yet. Someone else is changing her and feeding her and holding her. We go by there when we can (visiting hours are 24/7 in the NICU), but we can't live at the hospital.

They are still leaning towards a bacterial infection or possibly Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). We're keeping our fingers crossed that we can bring our little girl home sometime this weekend, but we may have to bring a monitor with us to monitor her breathing. I know I won't get a wink of sleep the first night she's home because I'll be so worried she'll stop breathing in her sleep.

Birth Day (Warning: This One is Long)

Emily was born on Friday, May 23, 2010 at 11:25 pm. I went into what I consider the start of my labor at 2:30 am. Needless to say it was a long day, but for the longest time I was in denial about the fact that I really was in labor. 21 hours of labor sounds long, but in the reality of that day it didn't seem like 21 hours. It seemed much shorter. In any case, here is our story...


I had gone to bed on Thursday night around midnight. I had been having trouble sleeping for the past month or so and didn't really enjoy the thought of going to bed because it had become such an uncomfortable ordeal. Nate had gone to bed before me which in hindsight was a really good thing as it was a long time before he got to go to bed again.

Early Friday morning around 2:30 am I woke up to an uncomfortable pain. I remember thinking, "Well that was different." I just thought my braxton hicks contractions were getting a little worse. (They had been getting slightly more intense for the past few weeks.) Plus I had just had a pre-natal appointment Thursday where they checked me out. My contractions always became a little more intense after one of these.

(On a side note, at that appointment I was 2 plus centimeters dilated, 50-60% effaced, and at -3 stations. But my body had been slowly changing over the past two weeks. At each appointment from 37 weeks on I was just a little bit farther along.)

Around 3 am Nate woke up, probably because he felt me moving around, and I decided to let him know that I was having some contractions that had some pain involved in them. He asked me if I was in labor and I told him that I didn't know, but I didn't think so. I was trying to sleep in between, which I was doing, but I was getting annoyed that the contractions kept waking me up so I finally just got up and went into our loft to watch some television. I though that Nate would go back to sleep, but I guess he was too anxious and he got up too.

Around 4 I decided the watching t.v. was annoying me so Nate suggested that I get into the shower which I did. It felt great and I stayed in there for a while.

Around 5 am Nate wanted me to contact Candace (our doula or labor assistant) and let her know that I could be in labor. I felt bad because I didn't really believe that Emily was coming on this day and it was so early in the morning that I knew she would still be in bed. But I called anyway. She told me to try and sleep as much as I could and to put some food in my stomach. She was going to call me later in the morning to check on me.

I ate some toast with jelly and laid down about 6 to try and get some more sleep. I was actually able to get back to sleep and for the next two hours or so I dozed in between the contractions I was having. Luckily, my contractions were very irregular so sometimes I got close to 30 minutes of sleep before one would wake me up. On the flip side though, sometimes there was only a few minutes between them.

When I finally got up I realized that Nate had fallen back asleep too, but he was sleeping on the couch. I guess I was tossing and turning too much for him. I put a little more food in my stomach and got on the computer for a while. My brother, Matt, called during this time and asked if he could come by the house as he had come to Richmond for work.

While waiting for my brother to get to the house Nate had decided to cut the grass and I decided I wanted to be outside too. So, I took Bailey, our dog, outside and played fetch with her and paced around the back yard. The weather was so nice that day that it felt just wonderful being out there. Contractions still had not subsided, and I was still in denial.

Around 10:30 my brother got to the house and started asking all sorts of questions about the contractions I was having. He was a wonderful distraction for a little while.

Candace called me about 11 to check on me. She asked what I had been doing, about my contractions, and about what I had been eating so far. She also asked what we were planning on doing the rest of the day. She wanted to make sure that we were staying busy, which we were.

Matt left a sometime between 12 and 1 and we decided that we were going to run to Lowe's and Best Buy. While on our way to Lowe's the intensity of my contractions picked up some. At one point I remember Nate started rubbing my leg to help me through a one and I pushed his hand off. Before that he had been patting which was fine and didn't annoy me, but rubbing annoyed me and I just couldn't stand it.

While in Lowe's I kept ducking down the aisles when I would have a contraction, because I didn't want people to ask me if I was ok. I didn't want anyone to even realize I was in labor, and I think I was successful. At least no one asked me if I was ok. On the way out someone asked me when I was due, and I said, "Like, now. When we got to Best Buy I just stayed in the car and timed my contractions. They were anywhere from 3 minutes to 10 minutes now.

I tried laying down to take a nap when we got home, but laying down made my pain level worse and the contractions come quicker so after about 15 minutes I got back up and got back on the computer.

Around 3:30 or so Nate noticed that my contractions seemed to be getting worse and suggested that I call Candace again. I did and we decided that she would leave work about 4:30 to come and check on me before going home. (I kept down playing all of my symptoms because I still hadn't admitted to myself that I was in labor so she didn't realize how far along I was.) While on the phone with her I had 3 contractions and from the first to the third the got progressively worse, which she could hear for herself. She changed her mind and said she was leaving work right then and would be at my house shortly.

She got to the house a little after 4 and found me sitting on the birthing ball dealing with my contractions. I had realized I was in labor by now and was just trying to deal with one contraction at a time. She got me up and moving and we went outside again to pace through the back yard. There was a breeze blowing that felt absolutely wonderful and helped me stay calm when contracting. Nate was great and let me hang onto him each time one hit me. After a while we went back inside and I got back on the birthing ball. I felt very hungry but had not appetite for food so juice was suggested. I agreed and had just a little bit of orange juice. Unfortunately, oj did not sit well with my body and during the next contraction it came right back up. At this point I also felt some pressure with the contractions and I was afraid that the baby was coming very soon so I said that I thought that we needed to leave for the hospital. Nate got the car packed up and around 5:15 we finally left.

On the way to the hospital my contractions picked up again and became VERY intense. I was moaning and had my eyes closed almost the whole way there. Nate said I was so loud that I was hurting his ears and when he called the doctor she didn't even have to ask what we needed, she could hear me moaning through the phone. Unfortunately we left during rush hour so the 20 minute drive took us about 45 minutes instead. When we got there I wouldn't get out of car because I was in the middle of a contraction so Nate sat in the car with me while I waited it out. We slowly made it inside and we were quickly, well as quickly as I could go, led into a labor and delivery room. They got me into a hospital gown and tried to get an i.v. into my arm but were having trouble. The doctor gave the ok for me to go without one, which I was very happy about because I didn't want to have one. The on call doctor checked me out and I was 9 plus centimeters and fully effaced. I was shocked. I thought I would be about 6 or so. So did Candace and Nate. The nurses were rushing around getting everything set up and asking me lots of questions, which Nate in turn answered. Everyone assumed I would be delivering in no time.

I was only there about 30 minutes before I said that I felt like I needed to push. The doctor said he wanted to check me again. As he went to do so my water broke. It felt wonderful. This intense pressure was gushing away. When he went to check me after I was back down to 8 cm and 70% effaced. My bag of waters had been so low it was causing me to dilate further than I really was. It was a little discouraging but 8 cm was still great progress. When we said we were going natural I was left alone to labor with Candace and Nate. The nurses were great and never tried to push something that we did not want. They were all very supportive. At some point in time my doctor came in from the c-section she had just finished to check on me and see how I was doing. Nate and Candace kept moving me into different positions when I had been in one for too long. I used the birthing ball, a couch, hands and knees, even the shower again (although this time the shower did not feel as good and I even found it somewhat annoying.)

Towards the end I was on my knees on the floor with my head on the couch when my doctor came in and wanted to check me again. She told me to move to the bed and I told her that I couldn't. By now my contractions were literally one right after the other with no breaks in between. I was in intense pain and could not support my own weight. She got a little forceful with me and told me I had to move and she knew that I could do it. With Nate and Candace supporting much of my weight I finally made it to the bed and laid down. She checked out and said it was disappointing because I had not changed any. I was still 8 cm. It had been over 3 hours since I had changed any. She suggested putting me on pitocin to move things along and I strongly shook my head b/c I could not talk. Nate asked for some time for us to discuss things and it was given to us. I didn't really discuss anything, Candace and Nate did most of the talking.

Nate's comments about this time...
The only thing I have to add is to the conversation I had with the doctor that Gair only got parts of because she was in such active, hard labor (this is why I think we'll go with a mid-wife next time, even though 98% of our labor and birth story was great).

When I was asking questions trying to stall, the doctor actually told me that in her "expert medical opinion there was either something wrong with mom or something wrong with baby". She asked me what Gair's reasoning was for eschewing an epidural and pitocin, and I purposely gave her a long answer. I told her about my accident and breaking my back and how Gair saw how much pain I was in and how she had heard that some women had back pain forever after an epidural, and that's what got her thinking about ways to avoid an epidural. I discussed some other things and I told her that I really didn't see how she could handle a dose of pitocin on top of her already strong contractions. The doctor tried to convince me that something was wrong because Gair should have had Emily by now, and that she should not have stayed at 8 cm for 3.5 hours. She suggested that either Gair's pelvis was too small for the baby to fit through or that the contractions weren't strong enough to push the baby out. And she wanted to try the internal fetal monitor because that would tell her whether the contractions were strong enough to deliver the baby. I asked how the baby was doing (already knowing that she was fine because I could see her heart rate on the monitor from the EFM). The doctor said she was fine and that is why she would allow us more time, but she was concerned about Gair's ability to handle anymore. And to be quite honest, I was worried about her ability to handle much more (and of course your body only gives you what you can handle). Candace suggested to me that perhaps the uterus was just trying to contract back around the baby because the bag of waters was so tight and had stretched it out. When Gair's water broke she went from looking like she was 42 weeks pregnant to looking like she was about 30 weeks pregnant! I gave the doctor this theory also (another stalling technique).

I want to add that this little "hiccup" we had in our plan was only a small, small amount of time. All total, it took up about 20 minutes of a 21 hour labor. But it really affected me because the doctor REALLY had me almost believing that something was wrong with my wife or my child. This really scared me! My hands were shaking, my mouth was dry, I felt dizzy like I was going to pass out, and of course I was crying during most of my stall techniques with the doctor. I went from wanting this perfect, 100% natural, unmedicated childbirth to just wanting both of them to make it through the process ok. Luckily, everything worked out. But the doctor's "expert medical opinion" (her exact words) was really hard to hear at the time... especially when she ended up being wrong (at least she admitted it). Otherwise, she was GREAT!!! Very nice and overall she is more in favor of less invasive techniques than other doctors in that practice.

Ok, so back to the story. The doctor went to insert the internal fetal monitor and when she did so something changed. She never did insert it and told me that the next time I had a contraction try pushing. I didn't feel like I could but I tried. I wasted energy by still moaning loudly and she told me to stop doing that and use it to push. Again, I didn't think I could but again I tried. Apparently I had gone from 8 to 10 cm in that instant and that changed everything. After pushing once or twice Nate came up to my ear and told me he could see just a little bit of her head. This gave me the second wind I needed. To be honest the pushing part was great. I still had contractions but they didn't really hurt. I just had this intense need to push. The pushing did burn but it was very different than the contraction pain. I also got to rest in between them as they were not coming right on top of each other anymore. I even remember saying that I would take this any day over the contractions I had just been having.

I ended up pushing for an hour and at 11:25 pm out she finally came. I was exhausted but so wide awake because I had her in my arms. She was 8 lbs. 2 ozs. and 20 inches long. I had been completely prepared for her to come after my due date but if she had she would have been even bigger than she was. As it was she came 2 days early and I was so glad that it was over and she was with us.